Your throat seems more congested than yesterday. Your head is little foggy. Your eyes definitely want to stay shut and your body yearns for rest.
It starts with the balloon hitting the ceiling. You hear the thumps in your son's room. Soon he is up and about like lightning as loud as thunder. You somehow get up and bring the baby into your daughter's room where she is still lying in bed groggy. You lay the baby beside her. She is happy and cheerful to play with him, so you can go see what needs your attention.
You dress him after cleaning him with a cloth. The dishes and mess from the previous night are still there, even dirtier than yesterday when you were to wiped out to clean up.
He's already gotten a hold of the apple sauce and he is in the drawer looking for a spoon.
Sigh and smile.
He thrashes his body in displeasure. He wants the apple sauce. It's 7:30 AM. You give it to him.
You go quickly take care of your bodily needs in the washroom.
The apple sauce is done. The jar is basically empty, and he is going around like a whirlwind looking for food, hoisting himself up with his hands and bending at the abdomen like some gymnastic athlete on his dresser, the bathroom counter, window sills and the baby gate that is keep him from going back into the basement where he had urinated several times on your mom's bed and had broken the couch while a babysitter was watching him a couple weeks ago.
The kids are calling for your attention, "Mom! the baby needs you!" You go tend to them. You ask your daughter where your big son is. "He's eating something in the bathroom!" You run there. He's got his dad's Goldbond on him. You usher him into the shower then you start picking up the wet clothes either from urine, toilet water, food - whatever.
You need to drink some water. It's only day 2 of this 5 day weekend.
...
The baby whines, the daughter says "I'm hungry!" and your 6 year old is just circuiting nonstop. You're getting dizzy.
You somehow went to use the toilet, and during that time he's gotten into his dad's sleeping quarters and has got some really strong smelling lotion all smeared over his hands. He is expecting another shower, but you just wash them in the sink.
It's 10 AM now, and you decide that you MUST get out of the house!
It's now 10:35 AM. You have redressed your son three times after he either smeared food all over himself (he eats/swallows food like there is a famine). The air is full of noise. Your mind is full of thoughts of criticism. Your smile is a frown probably. You remind yourself of thoughts like "how may I serve you?" or "I am responsible - what am I doing to do?" But the truth is, you're burning out of fuel.
11:02 AM: You're outside with all three kids! Congratulations. You start walking down your driveway and realise that all the sidewalk surface is ice. No, forget the walk.
You direct the kids into the backyard. Yes! eventually the baby falls asleep too.
It's good for now... he's eating the snow, climbing the tree, and splashing in a puddle that is not completely frozen. OK, it's time to go back in to warm up.
You manage to get them back in, take off all the wet cold outdoor clothes and put them in the shower to warm up as you try to put some lunch together wearing the whining baby on your back.
You feel that you're spreading yourself thin... no one kid is benefiting from you. You're just keeping everyone safe and fed. You're basically on survival mode.
You can hear the criticisms of others pointing out your weaknesses: "look at the mess!" "what happened here?" "where were you when he did this?" "You have to watch him!" "why isn't he dressed?" "you have to do this..." "You should..."
QUIET!
Your mind seems to have run away. It's returning back to some old programs. You need a break. You need a breath of fresh air. You need some silence. You need some help to be optimal. You need self-care.
Finally, your husband arrives home, and you both gather up the rest of the things they need for their road trip. As they and their bags leave the foyer, you start immediately to feel the stress decrease.
You feed the whining baby who has been waiting so patiently to have some real uninterrupted sleep. He falls asleep, and you quickly slide into the bathroom, dry brush, oil massage and shower!
The baby awakens. You feed him again to sleep... you go into the kitchen to eat beside the mess. BREATHE.
You turn on the computer and write this post.
The baby is crying now... just in time.
Recharge.
Love,
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